A testosterone rat hole
In A Testosterone Rat Hole, I invoke:
I) Spring Hill Practice, Hackney, East London, UK – published 8 October, [updated 10 October];
20 October 2025 late morning, I published the following:
II) Unsilenced, sexual abuse, London, World (why are the Latin American women so absent?); [updated 27 October 2025: Valerie Rey Robert!]
III)
Redmond Community Centre, Woodberry Ward, Hackney, East London,
World;
IV) Music and cinema, world (Kangding Ray) updated 22 October/25 October 2025 on Kangding Ray; 27 October 2025: Valerie Rey Robert writes on women seen as bad in films!
20 October 2025 at 5.54PM, I received a strange email:
In my Witch Hunt piece - invoking planets, Goddesses etc, I wrote:
“SIDENOTE: Since 2015, I have revealed on my first blog and this one how the music business mis-functions and crushes women (artists, press officers, journalists, photographers etc.) Have Pascal Nègre (JD Beauvallet good friend), Valéry Zeitoun, catholic Jean-Marie Messier or any powerful man at Universal offered Les Inrocks money to put ND’s frontman on their frontcover (# Me Too aligned randomly) in October 2017?”
I)
Spring Hill Practice, Hackney, East London, UK
Since May 2022, when I was preparing Court case documents for my solicitor, I haven’t been able to see my GP in SpringHill Practice: she told me I was paranoid, psychotic, having delusions of persecutions… She and her laughing cows had planned to have me sectioned!
The week of 29 September to 2 October 2025 was a heavy one: Community Fridge’s volunteers in Redmond Community Centre were kept in the dark regarding a filming session – they took advantage of a woman with learning difficulties and I was complicit to it; my mother remembered furtively she had a daughter for tax reasons; Hackney based journalists don’t support Mayor of Hackney Caroline Woodley’s brutal in-actions but are quiet about it… so far!
Thoughts of being in Pierre Soulages deepest darkness side of his canvass emerged.
Reluctantly, I went to Spring Hill practice saying I was feeling very low, suicidal; I thought they might want to prove me how wrong I was about them – they could actually be kind – I misjudged them - I didn’t want to see my GP! After a long wait (they had booked me with GP for mid-October), I was booked with a cocky female Dr Alison (unlisted):
Upon arrival, she asked what she could do. I said I felt very low, I scared myself with dark thoughts; I needed drinks (which I was off for eight months due to having £1.75 on my account). Before I could continue, she asked how many glasses I drank per day. I said I never needed much, I just don’t like the fact I feel the need to have one to calm me down. She asked what beverage I was on: red wine or the bubble thing that is not Champagne. I insisted it was not Champagne, she seemed to erase what she wrote to Prosecco…
She asked how I supported myself: food I distributed and recently my mother remembered she had a daughter after years of total silence; she asked if I got on well with my mother – I AM NOT JOKING, SHE ASKED! Then, she wrote something long because I just sat there waiting for her to finish. I guessed she was on a sexist Freudian path! I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually was a psychiatrist from the dubious Vivienne Cohen House where Mayor of Hackney Caroline Woodley and Talking Change and GP tried to section me!
[REMINDER: My GP sent 100 of texts asking me to go to her to have my blood pressure taken as well as inviting me to do gardening at the practice and talk about my menopause to a man after being menopaused for six years. Even the Police – Yes, I had to go to the Police – found those texts invading which Spring Hill practice apologised twice and then wrote they would forbid me from going back at the practice “If inappropriate language continues to be used, we may have to review your registration with our practice.” – this is my inappropriate language after three years of hundreds of texts and emails from the practice “you should have offered another gp! you have harassed me since 2022 hoping to get me locked in. stop harassing me! yo are inapropriate non stop. you cause distress non stop. yo don't give a shit about my mental health. go to hell” !… Anyway, Dr Alison did not ask to have my blood pressure taken despite the practice not having any record since... May 2022!]
She said I should book myself with a company that deal with people having alcohol problems, they are very nice and I could find one within 10 miles… She asked me to get up and check the name of their website. Perhaps she wanted to smell my level of alcohol? I hadn’t drunk the day before! (one glass a day... how can anyone smells of anything?) First thing I saw was HQ was Brighton based where my aggressor’s best friend and music journalist lived from late 90’s up until recently!
She said she couldn’t get me anywhere because I had to see a psychiatrist and I had to go to Talk Change if I wanted to sort my trauma issues with sexual violence! She implied I was paranoid and psychotic and insisted I was having delusions of persecutions!
Almost each of her sentences suggested I had to call here or there, making me repeat I had no phone and I was deaf… [I am partially deaf IRL]
Eventually she asked if I had suicidal thoughts. I said that’s why I was here. She gave two numbers to call. I repeated I had no phone. She said I should use a public phone box! I AM NOT JOKING! At 3 AM, women who can’t sleep for feeling anxious should walk the streets in search of a prehistoric phone box!
She then said I had to have a blood test and a liver test. I just left.
Caroline Woodley opening the newly located Spring Hill practice!
Caroline Woodley in a nutshell since being elected (November 2023) as Mayor of Hackney:
4 December 2023, I reported racism, sexism, able-ism and general abuse from Vicky (Garden Manager) and Peter Moore (gardener) at Robin Hood Community Garden – Woodley replied back 26 January 2024 “I am
advised that the RHCG is building a new website for the garden, which will have
more flexible listings of times for volunteering and training opportunities.
Further information is available on the following webpage: www.robinhoodgarden.org.uk.”; 22 March 2024, Woodley continued - without checking
with me its veracity - “I believe you
were given the opportunity to enter the induction process but may not have
completed the process.” She went on a DARVO trip
about my “unacceptable behavior”
backing up RHCG and banning me from ever
going back to my local community garden I had joined for mental health issues
in 2020; 18 April 2024, Woodley insisted on me going to a
meeting with RHCG “… to establish if there can be an acceptable
resolution to this matter.” (everyone’s dream to sit with their
aggressors...); 2 August 2024, Woodley booked me (to be sectioned) with Brighton
marathon girl and psychiatrist Natalie
Shoham, specialised in deafness and menopause women who are psychotic
and schizophrenic... (Woodley
decided as a deaf and menopaused person I could only be psychotic and schizophrenic);
14 November 2024, I raised concerns about my
rogue landlord (I voted Caroline Woodley
in Autumn 2023 as she promised to be severe on
rogue landlords), she confirmed my landlord received Housing Benefits on a
fortnightly basis and blamed me for not answering the phone... “We understand Senior Benefit Officer, Mr
Hizli, tried calling you several times on 6 and 7 November” – Not only
these dates are fake but Woodley and
Hackney Council know I’m deaf! She
is blaming me for being deaf! 14 July 2025, Woodley – a non expert in psychology /
psychiatry – decidedly on a fake news journey “I understand that the trauma you have endured has impacted your ability
to manage issues with the Council, particularly those concerning financial
obligations.”
II) Unsilenced, sexual abuse, London, World
Until the 2 November 2025, the Imperial War Museum exhibits for the first time in UK and perhaps in the world the most common yet neglected and silenced war crime: Unsilenced portrays the worldwide widespread dehumanisation of women, but also men and children, from WWI as a starting point... rape / sexual violence as a weapon of war!
Digging into its vast collection and various sources since #MeToo and the fall of film mogul Harvey Weinstein, IWM displays, among precious testimonials, propaganda posters and ads pointing out how gender roles were at play in our societies... yet these representations continue to exist, at a lesser level though, in conservative environments.
Why has it taken so long to address these war crimes? Rather, what has changed in recent years for these testimonial accounts of victims / survivors in conflict territories to be heard by society?
Despite being a groundbreaking and must-see exhibition, IWM fails to represent rape camps in Bangladesh early 70’s which Leesa Gazi exposed in her Rising Silence documentary; also, the Western world is in huge debt to Latin American women for bringing testimonials up to the surface thanks to speaking up of their ordeals during dictatorships from the 60’s up to the 90’s. In 2016, pre #MeToo, Mariana Joffily, Professor of the History Department and of the Postgraduate Programme at the University of Santa Catarina (UFSC), Brazil, wrote an excellent essay Sexual Violence in the military dictatorships of Latin America: Who wants to know? reminding us “The Vienna Declaration of 1993, was a landmark in emphasising women’s rights as human rights and demanding those responsible be punished for crimes such as systematic violation of women in situations of conflict. The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women, by the United Nations in the same year, as well as the Inter-American Convention for the Prevention, Punishment and Eradication of Violence against Women, in 1994, known as the Belem do Para Convention, not only helped to established new bases for understanding sexual violence, but also created international legislation for dealing with this subject.”. Sexual violence failed to reach attention and care in Latin America partly because territories transitioned slowly to democracy while gender equalities were not quite progressing!
Michel Franco’s extremely hard to watch New Order follows a social class division between a well off Mexican family gathering interrupted by violent rioters where the Army exploits the disorder to abuse hostages in clandestine detention centres: the audio sexual violence takes over the visible... Equally disturbing but less abrupt, Boris Lojkine’s Souleyman’s Story portrays a breathless sans-papier exploited by his peers in similar situations who eventually can tell his story to obtain, or not, asylum in France.
In The Guardian, Zoe Williams writes about Unsilenced “It’s well known that if you make your testimony and aren’t believed, the brutality is revivified... “A decent little woman and quite reliable. No exaggeration attempted.” There’s something so revolting about the thought that your own decency would have to be adjudicated before you could be heard, that exaggeration would be assumed unless some random guy deemed it absent... War is the pre-condition, the portal from civilisation into cruelty... War turns some soldiers, enough soldiers, into something less than human, and the results of that stain history for ever. It feels like the casual dehumanisation of military aggression gets lost in the margins of territory, strategy and percentages.”
[UPDATE: on 26 October 2025 (6 as SIX days following my story on violence
against women in war time / rape as a weapon of war, Valerie
Rey Robert writes on the topic!]
III)
Redmond Community Centre, Woodberry Ward, Hackney, East London, World
Will Young being asked by BBC music journalists Jo Whiley and Zoe Ball how to address anxiety / depression: “Validating people’s feelings”
of Worry dolls and bday card in august 2024
On Monday 22 September 2025, Office Manager and receptionist told us – volunteers for Community Fridge – about a filming taking place on 29 September 2025. Being anxious as to why filming on a Monday was their best option and uncomfortable about it, I emailed office manager (as well as receptionist):
Not receiving a clear answer, I went to Redmond Community Centre on 25 September 2025: I sat there, eventually spoke to receptionist who assured me it’s nothing to worry about, CEO 1 would be there on the day of the filming... CEOs seldom come to the centre, certainly not on Mondays as the kitchen is extremely busy with Community Fridge and Cooking session!
Days prior to the filming were high on anxiety, sleepless nights, something was so wrong!
On the day of the filming, CEO 1 confirmed it was for social media purpose; when the lad entered with his equipment, I told him I didn’t want to be filmed – CEO 1 calmly patronising me replied nobody would film me!
On 30 September, I emailed CEOs:
In the past two years, I volunteered every single Monday to distribute food to the community struggling financially. I decided to stop going until I received serious information about who were the filming crew... One of the volunteers emailed me on 11 October 2025, I replied on 13 October in CC to CEOs and this is their gaslight, lies, twisted version of facts as well as farting on my mental health issues because it was a one-off shooting:
So who are the shooters? Martin John set up Light Star Media in June 2025, before that he was involved in the music business...
My aggressors are music journalists: one was based in Brighton for two decades; his son is constantly around my blog, my life etc...
So Light Star Media is Cambridgeshire based, born in June 2025 and on 1 July 2025, they revealed that out of the thousands of charities existing in UK they chose shooting at Redmond Community Centre (LDTGroup):
That should have given CEOs and staff plenty of time to explain
volunteers what was going on innit?
In conflict territories, rape or sexual abuse are weapons of war.
At work, whether women are member of staff or volunteers, they get abused!
Eight years after #MeToo, people in power in Hackney, East London fart on mental health issues, sexual violence, disabilities, gender issues! They think they have a sense of leadership when in fact they are control freaks!
The volunteer sector in Hackney is plagued with abuse when it should be a good way to gain confidence or at best to get a job anywhere!
IV)
Music and cinema, world
In May 2025, Kangding Ray won a Palme at the Festival de Cannes in France for his music score in Sirat. Meanwhile, penniless, I relied on food I distributed at Redmond Community Centre.
15 years ago, I had to leave France in a rush as David Letellier aka Kangding Ray (KR), sent death threats via emails, texts and voicemails. I loved his music creations and I promoted his work in Latin America within the French network of attachés culturels in French Embassies / French Institutes. He was booked on a regular basis in Japan from his own networks but dreamt to play live sets in Latin America. One of my contacts in Uruguay told me KR was booked for a two days performance in Montevideo... resulting in me not being paid! Because I made a big deal to the French embassy there and the Culture Ministère in Paris, he was furious and serious about his threats. I left France penniless for London.
On 13 October 2025, after a series of gaslight emails from CEOs in Redmond Community Centre, I had a meeting at the Jobcentre for Universal Credit I applied for reluctantly but with a promise from Council tax office that they would reduce my council tax back to April 2025.
On 13 October 2025, Sirat was booked and sold out for the London Film Festival at BFI. I am sure SB at BFI is responsible for booking the film and would have been keen to interview the crew, specially the music composer. What women have to go through, struggling when criminals smile at cameras... I had realised that during the Cannes Film Festival, journalists were raving about the film but somehow dismissed KR. I am grateful to whoever believed my story about KR and spread it! KR didn’t seem to be invited while film maker was not advertised widely at BFI; as far as I know, Sirat is not booked anywhere else in UK, yet it has a distribution certificate... for February 2026.
Culture journalist Olivier Lamm at Libé can’t hold it though:
I have never been able to establish a link between KR and Jeremie Souteyrat, a creepy talentless portrait photographer – maybe a decent architecture photographer (?) - despite both of them being Japan lovers – Souteyrat lived there for years before settling in London. In a recent interview, KR revealed (?) he studied architecture “Basé à Berlin depuis plus de vingt ans, le musicien, issu d’une formation d’architecte”...
Both of them are the same age. I suspect Jeremie Souteyrat was stalking me at the V&A – from that day, V&A ceased sending me PV invites from Summer 2022 when my GP tried to sectioned me...
On my A Cluster Of Pervert Narcissists piece, from “Published on Twitter / X 24 July 2024” to “Isn’t it strange Jeremie Souteyrat has secured a deal with V&A?”, I extensively demonstrate how Souteyrat has stolen many of my work but mostly how he became so close to the French Embassy in London when there is no record of him dealing with the French Embassy in Japan (to my knowledge).
Prior to 2022, my aggressors, music journalists, set up various Twitter accounts where they puked on me: I was an alcoholic, mentally disturbed, a psychopath, having delusion of persecution...
How interesting that GP and her friends, including Mayor of Hackney Caroline Woodley told me the exact same thing over the years. When the lad interviewed me at Talk Change, he asked if I wanted to kill my aggressors. When I told Dr Alison about it on 6 October 2025, she didn’t seem bothered about his question.
There are more films about women killing their aggressors made by men than women actually killing their aggressors IRL! Rape and revenge films from the 70’s onwards seem to have nourished men’s fantasy for decades, in a desperate attempt to prove women can be bad! It is worrying that women who are now stepping in roles previously occupied by men fantasise like men do! I suspect that Virginie Despentes’s Baise-moi or Coralie Fargeat's Revenge exist to give an alternative to a legal system that don’t defend women, a sort of “feel-good” films without the real pleasure that comes with it.
[UPDATE 27 October 2025: 7 as SEVEN days following my writing on women seen as vengeresse in films... Valerie Rey Robert writes on exact same topic!]
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