Why, in the charity landscape, abuse in any forms, is going under the radar?

 Autumn 2022 marks the fifth anniversary of #MeToo online, originally created in 2006 by Tarana Burke, following Ronan Farrow’s disclosure about sexual predator film mogul Harvey Weinstein.

Despite topics & investigations revealing sexual violence on women, children & at times on men in worldwide media, why, five years on, being heard is still problematic? Why, in the charity landscape, abuse in any forms, is going under the radar?

In this post, I’ll give a description on how, as a volunteer in a community garden, abuse is full on. I’ll be giving some short samples as of today 30 November 2022, but will fill the space from time to time.

In a very tranquil green space belonging to the council, juxtaposing an east London river, a community garden welcomes volunteers: growing vegetables, harvesting, composting & so on. I never had any interest in gardening, but in August 2020, in between lockdowns, I was extremely suicidal without necessarily wanting to die. I was dead inside. Nothing to do with neither lockdown nor COVID. My aggressor.s had created various Twitter accounts naming me as a psychotic, liar, crazy, going to jail etc. I was also receiving threats / death threats / insults on a daily basis via Twitter / emails / snail mail. My aggressor.s are famous journalists based in Paris, France, one is based in London. In 2015, I published my story of sexual harassment I suffered in 1991-1992, then working for the French magazine Les Inrocks. My nightmare increased.

I joined the garden as an escape. I had told the ladies in charge that I was a victim of sexual harassment… as a warning more than as a ‘Please help me’ sort of thing. Weeding helped focus my energy on dis-rooting the bad stuff from its depth. There was an older man, retired perhaps, whom I didn’t feel comfortable around. In September, a female gardener came to teach us about PRUNING. I suggested taking pictures about the action in order to record the garden’s evolution. I needed something in my bag that I left in the tiny storage space, leaving the group of volunteers by an apple tree. Within minutes inside the storage space, older man got inside. I breathed deeply, convincing myself that I didn’t need to be paranoid; it could only be a coincidence; I carried on searching my bag. When I turned over, the dirty old guy was bending over, behind my bottom, searching something in his bag. 

When the session was over, I joined one of the women in charge sitting on a bench. After some reflective minutes wondering how I could speak out, I told her about the incident. She named the guy and said four other women complained to her about him: they needed the toilet (at different times) and hid behind a fruit tree only to realize as they got up he had followed them and watched. I asked her why he was still in the garden. She said she was not in charge of the garden but an assistant gardener. The one in charge, the lady from an Irish river, was his friend. I offered some solutions: volunteers could sign a contract about respecting each other space; a note saying the garden is not a space for harassment; talk to him; warn females. She admitted having great difficulties to communicating with that lady from an Irish river, she was also convinced she would reject my solutions. I had noticed the lady from the Irish river was a bit bossy & unpleasant towards her assistant. I personally hated when she touched me when talking to me to the point that I thought of leaving the garden. But I discovered the benefit of weeding on my mental health issues slightly improving as described in the New York Times  or The Guardian . 

4 October 2020, it was pouring with rain, so it was decided to play a game under a Marquee tent. When a photographer started to shoot the group, I had negative thoughts, convinced my aggressor.s was/were somehow involved. The Lady from an Irish river went to him but he rushed away. I left the garden earlier, checked Twitter if one of my ex colleague at Les Inrocks wrote anything about gardening. When so, I emailed the lady from an Irish river “On Sunday, 4 October 2020, 16:12:59 BST:

… This is what my aggressor has posted on Twitter at 1.50pm today: it translates as "Sunday Gardening" ; about taking pictures... and I really don't think it's a coincidence.

I have never posted anywhere I had joined [the garden]. Been very silent about it.” Her reply, four days later had such a devastating effect on me “Thanks for sharing this with me Sybille. It's important to be able to talk to each other. Like i said i don't know any more about the photographer but lets hope it was just an unusual event.”

By January 2021, I was really annoyed the lady from the Irish river kept referring to my hearing loss, so I emailed her politely “I just wanted to let you know that I don't want you to censure yourself when you talk to me. If you say " have you heard that?" when a bird talks and then you realise I might not hear it, it doesn't affect me, I dont feel vexed or hurt. I'm hard of hearing but I don't expect people to remember it every seconds of their lives. 

I'm hurt when people call my mobile knowing am deaf or tell me I am a problem due to my disability. You don't do that, so it's cool.

Thanks for showing me life in the garden :)”

Because I’m not on the garden’s Whatssapp for security reasons, I was not aware of some gardening lectures that took place outside the volunteering hours. So, when someone told me about one in April (?) 2021, I made further research on wild garlic etc. and posted on blog on 4 May (implying again we should run a blog and document life in the garden) “I have posted on the weeds John told us about. I think some are missing as I couldn't hear or spell the names. 

This is the post ...com/2021/05/04/in-the-shades-of-…garden-…/

If you have [The lady from the Roding river]'s contact, could you send it to her, she had trouble hearing the names of plants and she is very interested in them.”

Days before that, I brought seaweed from Margate. Someone stole it. On 30 April 2021, I wrote “I went to the garden an hour ago to water around and found out that the seaweed… is missing ...

That kind of seaweed is really hard to get. it's the first time since we're off lockdown and am down to the seaside that i get it. I do a lot of research, I bring 10 kgs and it's for the community. I don't take anything for myself. Is it possible to know who took it and why? …

I made clear to [ ] you that I'm going intense fuck in my life due to sexual harassment that has been lasted for 30 years. I'm poor. I go to the garden to try to find peace. I don't harme anyone. I don't insult anyone. I just work, research to improve my knowlege and the garden.

I feel abused/raped/insulted. Please, can you find out what's happening”

I was doing research at home on how to feed the garden vegetable beds with natural plants. I was thrilled when I discovered nettle and comfrey could be made as juices in order to water leafy and/or flowery vegetable. The lady from the Irish river was totally against its making in the garden due  to its strong smells… I managed to make nettle juice by the bee keeper space. When I found a bin on 15 May 2021, I thought it would be perfect for rain water, seaweed juice or… comfrey juice… “I found a big bin in the street inviting anybody to take it away, so I did. I brought it to the garden as I thought we might need it for whatever purpose: rain water, compost, more ideas...”

Humiliation became recurrent from the lady from an Irish river, so on 23 May 2021, I wrote “… due to my lack of hearing (deafness). We are trained & know when we miss a word in a sentence. We are deaf or HOH, not stupid! …

As I said on a few occasions, I come to release the pressure I go through on a daily basis due to sexual harassment / humiliation / threats. I don't need extra humiliation in regard of my hearing! 

Last week, you had a go at [The lady from the Roding River], lecturing her on how to write on stickers for labelling growing plants/herbs (to which she replied she was not just a pretty face - she also lost her husband on covid & needs to get by & relax)

When you assured me in front of that woman that I misheard what [female gardener] said + you might have your periods for the last time (did I hear well?) & you didn't need me to contradict you, I was surprised you had not been more open about it earlier... you know I speak a lot about menopause & it can be a tough experience. I can only support you if you are open. 

If you need support, let us know, but please, don't behave as if we are stupid, we are volunteers, some are menopause & ageing, surely some of us are going thru some shit & we all need respect!”

21 July 2021 “… - On Sunday 18 July, you asked if I had a lighter. I replied I didn't and asked if you were boiling water. At your 'yes' reply, I handed over 2 boxes of matches I bought last year for making tea/boiling water. You made tea for everybody except me...

- Still on Sunday 18, I was weeding on that newly bought iron 'chair', when you asked for it so [dirty old man] could sit. Why was it crucial for you to have him sitting on that 'chair' when, in my humble opinion, he could have been seated on a wooden chair?

Also:

- A few weeks ago, I found a clean bin to take away in [neighborhood] which I dragged for half an hour to the [ ] garden, so we could use it as a compost bin, adding a tap at the bottom. When a 'maintenance' volunteer team came recently, you had that bin converted into a hidden spot for the tap water... because you felt sorry for the young man who 'didn't succeed in' building a wooden spot for the tap water...

- Going to Margate costs me about £24. I walk 10 km to carefully hand-pick up 10 kg of seaweed in agreement with coast guards and making sure I respect animal habitats. When you decided to dry it, I looked after it and hand-grinded for 3 days. Upon finishing the work, you didn't want it in your cabin... it had to be left outside to be used in the herb growing spot for next year. At a [female gardener]'s lecture to which I was not invited, it was decided to put that dry seaweed around fruit trees... when wet seaweed (I've done it before at your request) can be placed around trees!

If you can feel sorry for a young man, why say 'I don't care, it's not my problem' about a person I mentioned to you who lives outside by the garden?

If you are aware of my ongoing issue about sexual harassment and how hard it is on a daily basis, why this lack of empathy? Because you've been told some shit about me that you have decided to believe?

The situation degraded, the assistant had left – she couldn’t take it any longer. Many volunteers left (I met over 50 volunteers in the course of two years). Leaving the garden wasn’t going to resolve her bad behavior / attitude. Just like sexual harassment at work.. you keep silent and then you leave. Nothing gets sorted. Misuse of power in a work environment, paid or unpaid, is a destructive weapon. Worse when a woman imitates male’s gimmicks to show she is equal to him. In her case, she laughs loud like she is in a pub on Friday night!

By the end of summer 2021, she hired a male gardener. She didn’t tell me. I discovered recently he used to work in a journalism environment. He is a cock in a chicken house who is colonising our land. I grew 10 turnips, 10 beetroots at home. As soon as they were ready to be planted out, I asked if I could plant them in the garden for the community. Upon planting them, time to look for wood to label them, he walked on them and blamed me for not labeling them sooner… I managed to save my spinach. As for my seven broccolis plants, he said they wouldn’t grow. When they did, he beheaded them and gave them to some random couple without my consent. I was also accused of creating disturbance which I’ll put out at a later stage, but for now, this is his response on 13 September 2022 when I asked what happened to my broccoli – Sunday sessions are between 1 to 4PM, I had left at 5PM “…

I thought the broccoli could do with picking as it was ready and this will encourage new growth. I gave it to the family who had stayed to help tidy up.

If you have a particular fruit that you are working with and wish to see through to harvest, that is fine ([the lazy & greedy girl from the Lea River]'s Brussels sprouts come to mind), but you must let me and others know, and perhaps label it clearly. Unfortunately though this will always be a risk in an open community garden. You may consider applying for an allotment (some sites offer smaller plots, or you can share) if you wish to have more control over your growing.

Thank you for sharing your anxieties about sharing the garden space. Discrimination or harassment have no place there. If anyone's behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, please let Vicky or myself know as soon as possible.

Thank you for all your hard work in the garden!”

This is passive-aggressive as well as being an abusive email which I’ll decrypt at a later stage.

To me, it was my first time at growing something on such a large scale. Last year, I shyly grew pak choi and basil at my window. It’s such a boost of confidence. He destroyed that purposely! Everyone knew I was looking after ‘my’ broccoli. Everyone knew there were not for me only, including that rapist!

On 16 October 2022, the lady from an Irish river said the chair was here and we, volunteers had to come. I had no idea there was a chair (I did ask previously, I also asked various time what sort of charity the garden was). Basically it was a meeting which I was not aware of… where the smooth operator gardener told, eventually, that he was a generous man and gave away my broccolis out of generosity! Apparently, the main point of the meeting was “I think the points from the meeting about managing mistakes or issues in relationships between volunteers is a useful starting point. (see below from the meeting notes)

How can we respond when someone makes a mistake or relationships are damaged?

·       We need to have an underlying philosophy that it is ok to make mistakes

·       We need to talk about it and resolve things in a way that doesn’t alienate”

I wish we had meetings about how we care for foxes, bees & all beauty beasts we share the space with; I wish we spoke about climate issues in regard of the garden, how we adapt? How to apprehend next year watering / heatwave? Instead, we sit around the a with a lady from an Irish river who is incompetent in communication and abusive and we talk damage relationships that she initiated! The notes were taken randomly with colorful felt pens: the attachment I received doesn’t reflect neither the meeting nor my words which have been wrongly transcripted. No reference number of charity appears. Who was at the meeting is anyone guess… Charity or volunteering shouldn’t be that cheap. Community work is not about being a happy hippy go lucky. Gardening is fascinating and much more serious & scientific than I thought. Victims of sexual violence should be welcomed and respected, disable people likewise. Instead, we have someone totally neglecting these issues.

I understand from chair and lady from an Irish river that I am intolerant as I have to understand mistakes can be made: the gentleman farmer who speaks softly threw some embers onto our compost. I watched him doing it as I was sure the wood (to boil water) was still on. Smoke happened in no time and I got the hose going. Flames reached a tree that touches another tree by a building where many families live… I’m intolerant to mistakes… OK!